Open Letter to Brooke
Not a day goes by that we don’t think of you and wish so desperately that you were still here to
We sat down to write a letter about all the things that we wished would’ve had to chance to say to you before you were taken. In doing that, we realized that we already said everything to you while you were still with us.
We told you every day how very much we loved you, how special you are and how very proud we are of you…(Remember the tattoo you wanted to get…the one where Dad writes in his handwriting…”I’m so proud of you”). We will never get to see that tattoo on your arm, but we will always cherish the memory of how very much it meant to you every time you heard it. Brookii we are still very proud of you baby.
Life goes on and you’re not in it. The common routine goes on every day, but nothing seems the same.
Some people say… “ it will get better”. We’ve come to the conclusion that it simply doesn’t! You just go on and that’s it. I mean how does losing a child ever get better. Some people say… “ you’re in a better place”. We know they mean well, but the facts are that you’re not here with us, so how is that better? We don’t know. We’re still struggling to find the answers.
The only comfort that we have is when we stop to remember that you don’t have to battle the vicious demons of addiction anymore. We don’t have to watch you suffer anymore as it left us feeling helpless, afraid for you and terrified of what has ultimately ended up being your destiny…death. It’s very painful for us as your family to know that there was absolutely nothing that we could possibly do to save you.
Remember Dad always saying…”you hold the keys”. Well, you did baby, but God holds the ultimate key. We think he must have known what we didn’t. You see baby, God doesn’t get it wrong. We don’t have to like it, but we do have to learn to cope. Holding on to your memories is what helps us cope.
We remember… Your jokes, and boy did you ever have them. All the time, even when we were as mad as hell you still seemed to know what to say… “Are you talking”.
Your smiley heart faces…all over the place…and oh how we’d love to see one again. Then we pull out a note you gave us and there we have one. It’s not the same , but nevertheless its all we have now so we will take it.
Your favorite sign…”I love you” taught to you at a very young age by the one person who loves you more than anybody else in the world…Dad. It’s one of his favorite memories now you know as it was the sign he was getting the last time he saw you as swerved across the road to get his attention. And of course he recognized and “signed” you back.
Your smile…the beautiful, infectious smile…the one you hid all that pain behind. We would give anything to see it again and see it where it was more real, you know, when there was no pain, life was good and you were “free”. We will see it again baby. I just know we will.
And finally, Brookii… Your Love…unconditional, true and sometimes honest to a fault love. Yes baby we can still feel your love, as there are some things that even death can’t steal from us.
Forever we will hold all these memories in our hearts and minds. It’s all we have for now.
Remember how you always said “I got you”, meaning that we didn’t have to worry. Well, we just wanted to let you know that “We got you” now. We are excited to tell you that we created a non-profit organization in your memory called “Brooke’s House”. We know you like it, after all it named after you. It’s the house that you asked Dad if he could build or buy for you to operate so that you could have a job. Not just any job, but one where you could make a difference in the life of someone else. Just like you, wouldn’t you say? Always wanting to help somebody else to avoid your own pain. Nevertheless, it’s going to be built as a sober living facility for women in Washington County…no more trips to Baltimore! We know you must be just as happy for this as we are. While you won’t be here to operate the facility, we are certain that your memory will help to build it and maintain it. Most of all Brookii it’s our hope that your memory will encourage at least one person to get clean, stay clean and live a happy, sober life. We know you wanted that for your own life more than anything. We also know how very proud you will be of any and every one that “Brooke’s House” may help.
We’re sure you’re dancing in heaven as you see how much is being done in your memory! I’ll bet you never knew just how very much you were loved and how many lives you touched in your short life…Way too short. We will NEVER know what could’ve been because you have gone from our lives, but NEVER our hearts and memories. We will be holding you in our hearts and memories until we can hold you in our arms again. We will hold you again you know but the next time we are NEVER letting go.
Missing you more and more with each passing day.
We wanted to leave you with this poem we found that describes how we feel about losing you to the “DEMONS OF ADDICTION”
You never said you’re leaving
You never said goodbye
You were gone before we knew it,
And only God knows why.
A million times we needed you
A million times we cried.
If love alone could’ve saved you,
You never would’ve died.
In life we loved you dearly
In death we love you still
In our hearts you hold a place
That nobody could ever fill.
It broke our hearts to lose you
But you didn’t go alone
For part of us went with you
The day God called you home.
Author – Anonymous
Loving you forever and always…no matter what!
Dad (Your Hero), Dana (Nay-Na Bear), Grant (Grantsy), Logan (Lil Bro) & Gma
Read more from Brooke’s family by clicking here.